Huckabee on Crime

It’s gotta be a drag, for Huckabee, to see something like this Seattle Police shooting take place.  I mean, it’s a drag for all of us to see four cops die so pointlessly, drinking coffee before work.  The entire attack was absurd, but for Huckabee, it’s really gotta suck.  Huckabee commuted the guy’s 95-year prison sentence in 2000.  Since then, he’s raped an underage niece, and now he’s killed four cops and been shot and killed himself.
Maurice Clemmons’ fate was sealed when he decided to shoot the cops in the coffee shop for no reason except pure, blind, revenge, but Huckabee just hit his first speed bump on the road to president.  In recent weeks, he’s pulled neck in neck with Mitt Romney, and probably ahead, since Romney has the gravitas of stinky cheese Huckabee has the gravitas of delicious, delicious Wisconsin Cheddar cheese (yeah, I don’t get the simile either).
But alas!  The thing Huckabee is soft on, reports say, is crime.  Or at least that’s what his critics on the Right say.  And Huckabee really can’t stand to lose the right just yet.  It’s going to haunt him, in 2012, that time he ran into Keith Richards at a Rolling Stones concert and pardoned his reckless driving ticket.
His response to claims of favoritism?  “If you can play guitar like Keith Richards, I’ll consider pardoning you too.”
Okay, this is the single greatest thing to happen in politics.  Ever.  It’s probably the best instance of a politician having a real sense of humor about life, and it also makes Huckabee that much more awesome for being a Rolling Stones fan.
That said, it was a stupid political move.  Mike, you never do something funny in politics.  It’s suicide, bud.  You’re just way too funny to ever be President.  You know who else was funny?  John McCain.  Sorry, champ.
The soft on crime allegations are also backed up by the fact that he pardoned more criminals than the three governors before him (including Clinton) combined.  And as you can see from this Clemmons case, the pardons were not always well-advised.  Granted, yes, the parole board suggested he commute the sentence, but the parole board isn’t running for President.  Mike Huckabee is.  Watch yourself, Mike, you better get out there and start advocating for executions if you want to lose this soft-on-crime image.